Thursday, November 17, 2005
You’ve Waited So Long For This?
Disclaimer: First things first…I know I haven’t posted in a while and I apologize for that. Everything’s been kind of up and down over the last couple of weeks and I haven’t found the energy or desire to visit “Cut the Shit” world. But now I’m starting to get my old self back and I feel pretty good about everything. That being said…on with today’s postal!
So I made a huge mistake this morning. I wanted to wear my hoodie cuz its cold outside and it’s kind of like my security blanket. I feel so adorable and warm in it and it just makes me feel a little bit more like home – if that makes any sense. Anyway, when I went to put it on, it kind of reeked of cigarette smoke. Rather than pull out the trusty Febreeze, I decided to squirt some cologne on it. Unfortunately, the only bottle of cologne that I have left is this very large bottle of Perry Ellis. I only squirted a few drops on the sweater, but now I’m sitting here and gagging over it. Perry Ellis smells like shit and it reminds me of someone I hate. So now, all day long, I get to sit here and smell a mixture of stale smoke combined with Perry Ellis of doom. Sick and also barf.
Thanksgiving is upon us! Due to the (never-ending) Iraq war, this will be the first Thanksgiving in three years that my brother has been able to be a part of the family celebrations. And his fiancée, Nina, will be there as well! It’s going to be so great having my brother there to take care of my dad when he gets a little too drunk or talk to my granny when she gets going on one of her stories about what it was like when she was a kid. Although I’m sure she’s a big liar. I don’t believe she was ever a kid. She was born 85 years old, obviously.
I have a little cut on my upper lip today and it stings like a bitch. Good story.
If you haven’t been watching Lost, I simply feel sorry for you.
Guess what I just learned? The word “fiancé” means “a man that is betrothed”. The word “fiancée” means the woman to whom the man is betrothed”. Weird, right? Weird and sexy.
Yesterday I’m having lunch with Ari and as is typical for us, we spotted a “famous” person. Sure, Ari spots people like Dustin Hoffman or Glenn Close…I spot people like Kim Stolz from America’s Next Top Model. Here is what happened: I look up and see Kim walking towards us on her cell phone. Without any thought as to how much of an ass I was going to be, I scream out “You! You’re amazing on ‘America’s Next Top Model’”. Kim made eye contact with me and brushes me off with a “Thanks”. It was a fun moment, but I found myself feeling like a total moron. Cuz I don’t even like Kim on the show. Sure, she’s a lesbian and it’s nice to see a semi-normal person representing the gay community on television, BUT she’s also kind of a loser and is one of my least favorite models on the show. Why couldn’t I have yelled out “You! You’re amazing at being a moron and one of my least favorite models on the show!” At least then I would have been honest. And maybe saved some of my pride.
Not only do I stink like a whorehouse today, I also decided to wear a pair of jeans that I have no business wearing. Denim spandex anyone? I mean, sure, my hair looks fantastic and my skin looks gorge, but my legs are two tree trunks that are stomping around the forest of my life. (Oooooh…very poetic.) I even did full on lunges this morning when I put on the jeans, in an effort to stretch them out a bit. Truth be told, I don’t look bad in them per se, but I’m used to wearing jeans that are a little less form fitting. My nuts are fully squished against the inside of my leg. Ay yi yi. Guess who WON’T be having pizza for lunch?
No I did not download Ryan Cabrera’s “Shine on”. No I didn’t.
Cept I did. For some reason I just love that little bitch. Although his hair is reaching to the moon and back. And I’ve never been one for space age hairdos.
The Rent movie opens next week! I can’t possibly explain how excited I am. I have seen the show 8 times on Broadway – twice in the front row. I know all the words and it’s my dream to one day play the role of Mark. To think that this Pulitzer Prize winning show opened 10 years ago. I saw it for the first time within the first 3 months of its opening and even then I was dying for them to make a movie musical out of it. I will be attending a screening of it with all of my nearest and dearest on the Friday after Thanksgiving. It will take all of the strength I have not to scream along with each song. I mean, SO hard to do. But I’m 28 years old now and I have to keep tabs on what I do in public. You never know when US Weekly will pop up and take a bad picture of me. um. yeah.
Well I guess that’s it for today. I’ll have a more cohesive post for you all tomorrow. Consider today’s entry to be my own personal introduction back to this website.
Website: “Hello Joe. Whaddya Know?”
Joe: “Fuck you.”
Website: “Aw Joe. That’s not the way to flow!”
Joe: “Stop rhyming dickface.”
Website: “But where you been? Where’d you go?”
Joe: “That didn’t really rhyme.”
Website: “Nice jeans.”
Joe: “Harumph.”
Damn shit I’m super weird today. Weird and sexy.
Disclaimer: First things first…I know I haven’t posted in a while and I apologize for that. Everything’s been kind of up and down over the last couple of weeks and I haven’t found the energy or desire to visit “Cut the Shit” world. But now I’m starting to get my old self back and I feel pretty good about everything. That being said…on with today’s postal!
So I made a huge mistake this morning. I wanted to wear my hoodie cuz its cold outside and it’s kind of like my security blanket. I feel so adorable and warm in it and it just makes me feel a little bit more like home – if that makes any sense. Anyway, when I went to put it on, it kind of reeked of cigarette smoke. Rather than pull out the trusty Febreeze, I decided to squirt some cologne on it. Unfortunately, the only bottle of cologne that I have left is this very large bottle of Perry Ellis. I only squirted a few drops on the sweater, but now I’m sitting here and gagging over it. Perry Ellis smells like shit and it reminds me of someone I hate. So now, all day long, I get to sit here and smell a mixture of stale smoke combined with Perry Ellis of doom. Sick and also barf.
Thanksgiving is upon us! Due to the (never-ending) Iraq war, this will be the first Thanksgiving in three years that my brother has been able to be a part of the family celebrations. And his fiancée, Nina, will be there as well! It’s going to be so great having my brother there to take care of my dad when he gets a little too drunk or talk to my granny when she gets going on one of her stories about what it was like when she was a kid. Although I’m sure she’s a big liar. I don’t believe she was ever a kid. She was born 85 years old, obviously.
I have a little cut on my upper lip today and it stings like a bitch. Good story.
If you haven’t been watching Lost, I simply feel sorry for you.
Guess what I just learned? The word “fiancé” means “a man that is betrothed”. The word “fiancée” means the woman to whom the man is betrothed”. Weird, right? Weird and sexy.
Yesterday I’m having lunch with Ari and as is typical for us, we spotted a “famous” person. Sure, Ari spots people like Dustin Hoffman or Glenn Close…I spot people like Kim Stolz from America’s Next Top Model. Here is what happened: I look up and see Kim walking towards us on her cell phone. Without any thought as to how much of an ass I was going to be, I scream out “You! You’re amazing on ‘America’s Next Top Model’”. Kim made eye contact with me and brushes me off with a “Thanks”. It was a fun moment, but I found myself feeling like a total moron. Cuz I don’t even like Kim on the show. Sure, she’s a lesbian and it’s nice to see a semi-normal person representing the gay community on television, BUT she’s also kind of a loser and is one of my least favorite models on the show. Why couldn’t I have yelled out “You! You’re amazing at being a moron and one of my least favorite models on the show!” At least then I would have been honest. And maybe saved some of my pride.
Not only do I stink like a whorehouse today, I also decided to wear a pair of jeans that I have no business wearing. Denim spandex anyone? I mean, sure, my hair looks fantastic and my skin looks gorge, but my legs are two tree trunks that are stomping around the forest of my life. (Oooooh…very poetic.) I even did full on lunges this morning when I put on the jeans, in an effort to stretch them out a bit. Truth be told, I don’t look bad in them per se, but I’m used to wearing jeans that are a little less form fitting. My nuts are fully squished against the inside of my leg. Ay yi yi. Guess who WON’T be having pizza for lunch?
No I did not download Ryan Cabrera’s “Shine on”. No I didn’t.
Cept I did. For some reason I just love that little bitch. Although his hair is reaching to the moon and back. And I’ve never been one for space age hairdos.
The Rent movie opens next week! I can’t possibly explain how excited I am. I have seen the show 8 times on Broadway – twice in the front row. I know all the words and it’s my dream to one day play the role of Mark. To think that this Pulitzer Prize winning show opened 10 years ago. I saw it for the first time within the first 3 months of its opening and even then I was dying for them to make a movie musical out of it. I will be attending a screening of it with all of my nearest and dearest on the Friday after Thanksgiving. It will take all of the strength I have not to scream along with each song. I mean, SO hard to do. But I’m 28 years old now and I have to keep tabs on what I do in public. You never know when US Weekly will pop up and take a bad picture of me. um. yeah.
Well I guess that’s it for today. I’ll have a more cohesive post for you all tomorrow. Consider today’s entry to be my own personal introduction back to this website.
Website: “Hello Joe. Whaddya Know?”
Joe: “Fuck you.”
Website: “Aw Joe. That’s not the way to flow!”
Joe: “Stop rhyming dickface.”
Website: “But where you been? Where’d you go?”
Joe: “That didn’t really rhyme.”
Website: “Nice jeans.”
Joe: “Harumph.”
Damn shit I’m super weird today. Weird and sexy.
